Pune is now in the very middle of the peak hot season, and even at night, the temperature hardly drops, making it difficult to sleep. In contrast, Kolkata tonight felt surprisingly cool.
From the window of my IndiGo flight, I saw cotton-like clouds below and wondered if the first signs of the monsoon were appearing across Maharashtra.
Summers in India have always seemed to affect my mental state. More than the heat, it was the sense that life’s quality steadily declined under the suffocating air.
This tendency was especially pronounced during the years when I worked as a freelancer. Income was unstable, and daily life lacked rhythm. Even opportunities to meet people had to be initiated by me, and before I knew it, several days had passed without speaking to anyone. It was supposed to be a “free” way of working, yet in reality, I often felt I had to support myself entirely on my own.
Compared to those years, however, my mental state this year has been more stable than ever before. This prompts me to reflect on what has contributed to this positive change.
Of course, when it comes to social interaction, I still often find it difficult to respond to unexpected private phone calls, though replying to messages is considerably smoother than before.
Upon reflection, the reasons may actually be quite simple.
Having a stable source of income, regardless of the amount. And having regular contact with a fixed group of people through daily meetings and routine interactions.
I have gradually begun to realise that these two things were, for me, a kind of medicine called “stability.”
Recently, I have regained the ability to focus on reading and piano. That would have been impossible without mental space.
For a long time, I believed that a “free way of working” was the ideal. But in reality, I have never had much confidence in the many responsibilities that come with freelancing — not only legal, financial, and sales-related matters, but even my own words and decisions.
Perhaps I am someone whose stability depends on structure and a loose community. Meanwhile, my current workplace offers exceptional freedom, including flexible office attendance. There is little interference, yet also no sense of isolation.
Looking back, encountering such an environment at this stage in life feels like a stroke of luck.
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